People who commit suicide don't want to die, they just want the pain to end. Whether it be physical or mental.
I'm pretty sure that's what he went thru. He was in and out of the hospital for pain. I spoke to him Wednesday and he hadn't slept for 3 days. Went the Dr and they gave him a new medication for sleep. I'm guessing it didn't help and he chose the permanent sleep option. In a way I'm glad his and the families pain is gone, just wish it had been different circumstances.
It was crazy to read someone post about another suicide on a range and I just thought, wow...it wasn't sgc this time...then to receive a phone call minutes later hearing the news about my brother made me think differently about some of the stuff I post. Regardless of how I feel in a situation, no matter how immature or incapable someone is being, they are still someone's mom, dad, child, or sibling. And who am I to judge that person...
I appreciate everyone's support thru this. Thank you for the kind words.
On a final note I share this. Not to quote any famous people, but the night before last I had a dream that I was walking along a river looking at some nice trout thinking I needed to go fishing. As I walked to a house and someone answered the door, I introduced my sister(who was a year older than me, still born in real life and naked in the dream(weird I know but she appeared naked in the dream as she was naked when she was still born.)) I walked thru the house looking for whoever was the home owner when someone told me he had skipped out on the family and left everyone behind.
When I woke up yesterday and told my wife about the dream she said maybe my sister was trying to communicate with me thru my dreams. At the time I didn't really understand nor had I ever believed in that sort of thing. But after my brother leaving us yesterday like the homeowner in the dream, and after my dad telling me he was cremating and spreading his ashes along oak creek where he used to love to fish like the fish in the creek in my dream, I kind of feel a little different about that whole communicating from the dead idea.
Now there really wasn't anything I could have done to stop what happened, my wife just said maybe my sister was trying to warn or prepare me for what was about to happen.
Food for thought the next time u can't make sense of a dream.